For all that, in the Bible itself, sex is quite commonly used. Many times to simply describe sexual events, in other places – as an allegory. The author of chapter 16 in Ezekiel, wrote about Jerusalem and the people of Judea, but undoubtedly had some specific pictures in his mind. We’ll perform a nasty exercise here, and abuse the original text by stripping it of all non-sexual stuff. Here is what we’re left with (feel free to skip to the end of this short masterpiece, whenever you think you have had enough):

“… And thou didst increase and grow up, and thou camest to excellent beauty: thy breasts were fashioned, and thy hair was grown; yet thou wast naked and bare. Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, and, behold, thy time was the time of love, I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness … and I anointed thee with oil … But thou didst trust in thy beauty and play the harlot because of thy renown, and didst pour out thy harlotries on every one that passed by; his it was. And thou didst take of thy garments, and didst make for thee high places decked with divers colors, and didst play the harlot upon them … and didst play the harlot with them … And in all thine abominations and thy harlotries thou hast not remembered the days of thy youth, when thou wast naked and bare … Thou hast built thy lofty place at every head of the way, and hast made thy beauty an abomination, and hast opened thy feet to every one that passed by, and multiplied thy harlotries … thou hast played the harlot with them, and yet thou wast not satisfied … and yet thou didst not have enough herewith … the work of a wanton harlot … but thou hast given thy gifts to all thy lovers, and hast bribed them to come unto thee from every side in thy harlotries … thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness uncovered through thy harlotries with thy lovers … I will gather all thy lovers … and will uncover thy nakedness unto them, that they may see all thy nakedness … I will also give thee into their hand … and they shall strip thee of thy clothes … and they shall leave thee naked and bare … and execute judgments upon thee in the sight of many women … Sodom thy sister hath not done, she nor her daughters, as thou hast done, thou and thy daughters …“

Fortunately, there is little chance for an original Biblical text to be censored, or else this book would probably be one page shorter. The original text in Hebrew, by the way, sounds less mild than the English translation used above. ‘Opened thy feet’, for example, is written as ‘spread your legs’ and ‘uncover thy nakedness’ sounds more like ‘reveal your genitals’.

At this point, you probably say “enough obscenity!” and the good news is that there’s also some pretty nice erotic poetry in the Bible, most notably the Song of Songs (go ahead and have a look). Alas, many Orthodox Jews learn in school that the text in this case is merely a metaphor for the love between God and Israel.

Religion and sex form a strange couple. Sometimes they live happily together. Most of the time they need a marriage counselor.

<< Prev Contents Next >>

“Why sex is better than gods? It’s ok to yell ‘Oh God’ during sex, but it’s not ok to yell ‘Oh Fuck’ in church.” – Unknown

In order for this book to sell properly, it must of-course contain some text about sex, and words such as intercourse and orgasm should be mentioned. A quick search of the Internet shows that other creative titles (e.g., ‘Sex and the Pity’ or ‘Sex and the Nitty’) are already taken, hence ‘Sex and the ET’ – after all ET is not that far from our main topic. ET as in extraterrestrial. ET phone home.

With various religious beliefs, sex is often associated with something dirty and many times with guilt, as if you’re doing something wrong. We don’t have to search hard for examples – many traces are easily found in the Bible itself. Here is just one of them:

“And Moses went down from the mount unto the people, and sanctified the people; and they washed their garments. And he said unto the people: Be ready against the third day; come not near a woman.” (Exodus, chapter 19, verses 14-15)

It seems as if sex, or even the presence of a female, constitutes some sort of competition for the true belief of the male (of-course), and for his so-called purity in the eyes of God – who is (not very surprisingly) presented as a male figure himself. Putting it differently: Women occupy the male’s mind with other unsuitable thoughts.

Thus, certain Christian officials are not supposed to have sex at all. Islamic women should cover their entire body, including their faces, while in public. In a Jewish synagogue the women are put in a closed remote section. Not to mention numerous taboos and rituals associated with menstruation.

Probably this all takes place because religious sex rules have often nothing to do with moral. At least not with human moral as we know it. Instead they are supposed to represent a godly moral, and for him it’s quite desirable to cut off some foreskin or clitoris here and there, and is not that bad to have sex with little girls under 3 years of age (I’m not going to tell you where this one comes from, but trust me on this).

Sometimes it even seems as if our sages used sex-related religious discussions as a moderate replacement for modern porn. For example, sexual contents are easy to find in the Jewish sources. In them one can read why a widow is not allowed to raise dogs due to a potential bestiality risk, what makes girls’ breasts grow faster than their pubic hair, how dreams about having sex with a female goose are used to predict the future, and how sex with an uncircumcised male is more pleasant for a female.

Still, some global conspiracy about things associated with sex exists among most major religions. Most of the time you can guess what a very religious person would say about short skirts, no matter what prophets he or she worships. You can almost predict what answer you’ll get about abortion, and usually tell in advance that person’s opinion about birth control. Masturbation is a no-no, and there will be of-course appropriate punishments for unauthorized sex of any kind, especially if you’re unfortunate enough to be a woman. In certain religious contexts or environments, a woman is officially not supposed to enjoy the act.

Are the religious authorities so pure?

“…It makes it all so ordinary just like you and me, to know the greatest heroes they had to shit and pee!” (From the ‘The Intergalactic Laxative’ by Donovan Leitch, 1973).

Surprisingly as it might sound, the greatest heroes also had sex on their minds. Saint Patrick dreamed about naked women, the Rambam had erections in the morning, and Abu Bakr, the first of the Muslim caliphs… (Text here censored due to the desire of the author to stay alive). In short – they were normal human beings. Just like you and me.

Perhaps as part of being “just like others”, you can also find sex crimes and perversions in religious contexts. The abuse of young kids by priests in America and Europe is not hot news anymore, following several famous cases that received publicity in the years 2000 through 2003. Rabbis who “helped” women by using some creative techniques also made the news several times in Israel. Forbidden fruit, you know, tastes better. Please note: This is not to say that religious people – whether leaders or not – are worse in this respect than others. It’s just to emphasize the simple truth that they are… people.

The somewhat suspicious attitude towards sex seems to go both ways, as far as religious belief and tradition is concerned. The Kama Sutra (the ancient Hindu love guide) plays a major role in eastern culture. In fact, the Hindu tradition contains a special god of love – the god Kama. Greek mythology is also full of sex stories about the various gods and goddesses. Many ancient religions and folklores were actually based on the feminine figure.

<< Prev Contents Next >>

Well, this is what a “respectable” Israeli parliament (”Knesset”) member, Mr. Shlomo Benizri, said today in a public speech: The recent (weak) earthquakes in Israel and the area occurred because of homosexual activities (in Israel).

This is not the first time Mr. Benizri and his friends demonstrate their knowledge in science and homosexuality. Less than a month ago, Benizri’s colleague, parliament member Mr. Nissim Zeev suggested homosexuals should be treated like chicken flu.

The author of these lines is a devoted heterosexual. Yet somehow I feel ashamed to have these people as my “representatives”.

Note the links above are to articles in Hebrew. The language of God and all that, you know… For the English speakers of us, here is a link to article in English.