{"id":128,"date":"2009-11-25T15:50:01","date_gmt":"2009-11-25T15:50:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/?p=128"},"modified":"2009-12-09T19:26:05","modified_gmt":"2009-12-09T19:26:05","slug":"chapter-19-you-said-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/media\/book\/chapter-19-you-said-what\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 19 – You Said What?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cEngland and America are two countries separated by a common language.\u201d<\/em> \u2013 George Bernard Shaw<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Religion deserves a dictionary of its own, and indeed there are already quite a few. However, they typically use a very serious approach. How about something lighter, but one that still carries the correct meaning of things?<\/p>\n

So here it comes \u2013 The Ultimate Religious Dictionary<\/em>:<\/p>\n

Angel<\/strong> \u2013 An alien humanoid of male gender, with wings and knowledge of the Bible. Typically guards the righteous (see \u2018Righteous\u2019).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ape<\/strong> \u2013 Charles Darwin\u2019s grandfather.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bless<\/strong> \u2013 Recite ancient text while looking as if you\u2019re making an effort.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Christian<\/strong> \u2013 (if the speaker is a Christian:) A good man; (if the speaker is a religious Jew:) A pagan; (if the speaker is a Muslim:) A criminal and a conqueror.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Church<\/strong> \u2013 A place where God wants us to be without hats.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Democracy<\/strong> \u2013 A regime that conducts elections.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dinosaur<\/strong> \u2013 A non-existing animal, part of some anti-religious scheme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Evolution<\/strong> \u2013 A fantasy designed by some poor lunatics in order to demonstrate their hate of the truth (see \u2018Hate\u2019, \u2018Truth\u2019).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Freedom<\/strong> \u2013 Your option to choose what your priest or rabbi or sheikh tells you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

God<\/strong> \u2013 (There\u2019s no definition to this word, but you\u2019re supposed to understand it anyway.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hate<\/strong> \u2013 Possessing non-religious opinions; Opposing the religious way of life; Criticizing religious beliefs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Heretic<\/strong> \u2013 One who dares to say things, which religious literature defines as heresy, regardless of their meaning and content.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jew<\/strong> \u2013 (if the speaker is a religious Jew:) A good man, if religious; a potentially good man, if non-religious; (if the speaker is Muslim:) a conqueror with American friends; (if the speaker is Christian:) a chosen person who might or might not abandon the right way.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kangaroo<\/strong> \u2013 An animal that swam all the way from Noah\u2019s Ark to Australia, some 4000 years ago.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kosher<\/strong> \u2013 Food (and sometimes other things) stamped by a well-paid person, who has learned kosher rules (see \u2018Learn\u2019).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Learn<\/strong> \u2013 Study the text of the Bible and other religious literature; Practice logic rules that appear in ancient religious texts (such as the Talmud) as long as the outcome is identical to the one that is found in the text.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Love<\/strong> \u2013 Converting one\u2019s belief to religion (\u2018Love of Israel\u2019 \u2013 converting one\u2019s belief to Orthodox Judaism).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Messiah<\/strong> \u2013 An unclear title, for which there is a strong competition between Jesus of Nazareth, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson of Chabad-Lubavitch, and a futuristic stranger riding a white donkey.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Miracle<\/strong> \u2013 Something that perhaps happens and that makes you feel good if it happens.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mosque<\/strong> \u2013 A place where God wants us to be with no shoes on.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Muslim<\/strong> \u2013 (if the speaker is a Muslim:) A good man; (if the speaker is a Christian:) A terrorist; (if the speaker is a religious Jew:) A somewhat primitive religious person.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Pluralism<\/strong> \u2013 Justification for missionary activity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Protein<\/strong> \u2013 The evidence for evolutionists\u2019 conspiracy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Psalms<\/strong> \u2013 A Jewish medicine for everything. Since the Gulf War in 1991 it has been known to stop missiles.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Pure<\/strong> \u2013 Exercising not having sex for a long time; not being dead; not during menstruation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Purpose<\/strong> \u2013 The plan designed for the future of a thing or a person in the blueprint of the universe drawn by God.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Righteous<\/strong> \u2013 A person, typically a male, who performs religious rituals in detail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Save<\/strong> \u2013 A Christian flavor of \u2018Love\u2019 (See \u2018Love\u2019).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sex<\/strong> \u2013 Something that God lets you get away with, under certain conditions.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Strengthen<\/strong> \u2013 Act in a way that encourages others not to think rationally.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sun<\/strong> \u2013 A big source of light created after Earth, circling Earth ever since.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Synagogue<\/strong> \u2013 A place where God wants us to be with hats.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tradition<\/strong> \u2013 A logical method of proving things beyond doubt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Truth<\/strong> \u2013 Anything that correlates with the speaker\u2019s belief.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Unity<\/strong> \u2013 A situation where everybody follows my religious rules.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Okay. Now you may put the book aside, have a short break, freshen up and come back soon invigorated.<\/p>\n

<< Prev<\/a> Contents<\/a> Next >><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cEngland and America are two countries separated by a common language.\u201d \u2013 George Bernard Shaw Religion deserves a dictionary of its own, and indeed there are already quite a few. However, they typically use a very serious approach. How about something lighter, but one that still carries the correct meaning of things? So here it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,24,25,27,33,54],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book","category-christianity","category-islam","category-judaism","category-religious-content","category-the-truth-is-wrong"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=128"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":143,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions\/143"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thetruthiswrong.com\/indeed\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}